Finally! I have spent the better part of two days trying to get this malware off of my computer. Malware in my opinion is a worse creation than geese because you can at least avoid geese at all costs because you know they're around before they attack you. Whereas malware piggybacks its way onto your computer system and proceeds to act like that creepy buddy of your dads who never leaves your house. You can try to ignore him, but eventually he'll pop up and and invade your privacy to see what you're working on. And yes this is a real story based off of three (THREE) of my dad's friends. Funny enough I've had to deal with malware three times as well and each time is a coded version of one of these guys. First there was Malware Kenny who seemed more terrifying than he actually was because it was my first smart virus encounter (named after my dad's stoner friend Kenny who was actually a nice guy, but whose highly drugged and not understanding life way of talking to me was super creepy.) Then the second encounter was with Malware Jay. This one showed up plopped itself on my system and proceeded to close all my shit because it thought it was being funny. Easy enough to get rid of since I had been through this shit before and it was too dumb (read drunk) to hide itself very well. Named after my dad's friend Jay who came over to drink and watch hockey games who thought that my sass and sarcasm of everything was hilarious and would take off after the game. Then there is the one I finally got rid of today. This one I have dubbed Malware Dave. Now Malware Dave seems harmless. He shows up and throws his shit all over the place, but you pick it up, throw it in a corner and all seems generally fine. You get used to his presence because unlike Jay he didn't immediately disappear, but he wasn't harassing you so you put up with him. And then he touches your shit! Malware Dave fucks with YouTube and every other thing trying to play video of music...not okay. So you try to get rid of Dave with EVERY FUCKING TRICK YOU KNOW, but he clings to life. He is a devious little fucker who pretends to not be a dick. It's only with the help of nerd brains that you destroy Dave once and for all, after thinking you destroyed him three times (it's like a boss battle from a video game). This shithead was named after my dad's best friend for 17 years of my life. He seemed like a cool dude, came over all the time, even helped Sammy and I dig a hole in the backyard when we were grounded (don't ask), but he made a huge mistake. He joked a bunch about taking his cats (that came from the same litter as our cats) out to a lake to put them in a bag with rocks and drown them. No. Not one chance in hell would that stand with me. So that's the story of how his cats became my cats and I refused to unlock the door anytime he showed up. Being friends with my dad was one thing, but threatening to kill a cat is my presence will bring my wrath upon you. Real Dave and Malware Dave are out of my life now but if they come back there will be hell to pay. Oh god haha, I'm sorry guys for the rant that I just unleashed through my keyboard. Ugh...may you not have anything as rage inducing happen to you today? lol
Peace.
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