I've been having a really low point this week and believe me I wouldn't write this out and send it into the world to you guys if I had another outlet. I don't know if any of you have depression problems, but I've been trying to deal with it for nine years. I've never been too bad, not like other people since I don't need medication, but that doesn't make it any less valid. This week I can count how many days since I left the house: five; how many glasses of anything I've drank: one a day; how many meals I've eaten: one every two days; yet I can't count how many hours I've been awake. I wanted to reach out for help. I really did, but my friend is busy with school, my sister is busy with work and my family isn't an option. Most of them aren't even in the picture, but my grandparents know. They see it happening to me and it scares them, but I can't talk to them about it... I can't lay that burden out for them to take. My grandma seems to understand and never pushes me, she knows I'll ride it out until I feel okay again. My grandpa tries really hard to be there for me, even if he doesn't know how to help. I can tell that this week he's been seriously worried about me, because he just sat beside me and held my hand. This may not seen like much, but it's a huge gesture in a family that doesn't really do physical contact. The only person who makes a point to hug is my aunt, and she married in to our group. I know he meant it as a sign of strength, to show that we're together in this but it only made me feel worse. It's hard to know that I'm the reason he's stressing himself. I know this isn't what you came to read and it's probably going to mess up your mood, but I need to purge this feeling from my system before Saturday. It's my sister's birthday and I need to be there for her. I'm ending this here because I don't know what to say, I can't put a positive spin on this one. I guess I just hope you guys are doing better right now than I feel.
Peace.
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