I'm having a very low point in my existence today. Ever since my parents started fighting and eventually split up, I've basically become a burden on every member of my family at different points in time. Two years living with my mom, then two years with my grandparents, then two years with my dad, and now I'm back with my grandparents for the last six months. When they first split I was still considered a kid, being 15 at the time, but I have never been able to fully take care of myself. I've felt like the burden the entire time and even now I can feel that weight heavily on my shoulders. I need a job. I need my own place. I need to pay off my car. I need to get myself healthy. I need to pay off my loan. I need to be independent. I love my grandparents, but because my mom has become such a massive screw up since the divorce, they hold my sister and I as close to the belt as possible. Basically they are mother hens, who keep trying to shelter us from the world. Sammy is fine: she has a job, she's going to school, she lives in her own place with her boyfriend and has for four years. Me on the other hand, I am the baby of the family, always the youngest until a year ago and if I'm going to break free I need to do it quick, like pulling off a band-aid. And I need to do it soon because right now I am suffocating from all the guilt about needing to be taken care of. I know you guys probably don't care, and I don't know if I'll even actually post this, but I needed to expel it from my system and writing it out sometimes helps. So there you have it. Today you find out that I'm a scared little girl who can't even handle her non-life...I can't pretend today to be awesome, so I'm just going to end it here.
Peace.
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